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Post by Remi on Oct 28, 2003 18:20:09 GMT -5
ok, so most of the ones im posting right now are from other people...but the are freaking hilarious ^.^
When I die, i wanna go like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep, not like the screaming passengers in his car.
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool. Robin: Holy Kleenex, Batman! It was right under our nose and we blew it!
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.
Alone: In bad company.
If ever you should need my life, come and take it.
Razors pain you. Rivers are damp. Acids stain you and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give. Gas smells awful; you might as well live.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I love cats. They taste like chicken.
Out of my mind, ...be back in five minutes.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.
If you can't beat em', arrange to have them beaten.
-e-i-e-i-o is actually a gross misspelling of the word "farm."
George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
These are just way too funny for me to hav a favorite....I can come up with more kinda like these if ya want me too
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Post by Remi on Oct 28, 2003 18:30:40 GMT -5
O.k.....here's more even if ya didnt like the first set....
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, "Danger: Government Health Warning: Women can be dangerous to your brains, current account, confidence, razor blades and good standing among your friends."
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
I want a guy that's sensitive and caring, and that loves cats. Unfortunately, most guys like that are gay.
If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving definitely isn't for you.
If at first you don't succeed, then you didn't do it right!
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
To successfully keep robbers out of your house put six locks on your door. When you go out, lock every other one. No matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If you are feeling unsuccessful just think about this: eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. <-------Random....but the weasel thing intrested me!
We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes
One in every four Americans has some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, than its you.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
"I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things I have not." --Lucille Ball
Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
People have the right to be stupid, but some abuse that privilege.
Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
No problem is so big and complicated that it can't be ran away from.
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.
Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks.
The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.
When all is said and done, much more is said than done.
There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't.
Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.
this list is getting kinda long so im gonna make more in a second,.....i really like the one about reality
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Post by Remi on Oct 28, 2003 18:35:58 GMT -5
ahhh...more randome stoopid stuffs...
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
No Jesus, no peace; know Jesus know peace.
National Atheism Day: April 1st
Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time.
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Never judge a book by it's movie.
If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
There are two kinds of pedestrians--the quick and the dead.
Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, while others will leave a stain.
Don't be so humble, you're not that great.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.
The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. <-----------I reallly like that one! ^.^
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Post by Remi on Oct 28, 2003 18:36:44 GMT -5
Ive got more but ill post em in a little while.....they are random funny questions and not quotes....feel free tro post your own here.
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Post by Constance on Oct 28, 2003 20:14:05 GMT -5
Oh my, some of those are quite amusing, that they are. Nothing random comes to my mine but random quotes of the day in class.
[glow=red,2,300]Quote of the day[/glow] Last Fri: "Who ever punched me, is that a finger down?" (they were playing 7Up in music... I had to write that down)
Today: ''This one's Bill, this one's Bob, and this one's Billy, and this one's dead."
Also today: "I feel stupid, I can't write a single 6 word sentance just because it can't contain some stupid letters." (math class activety)
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Post by Sae on Oct 28, 2003 20:40:04 GMT -5
Ah ha! Fear my random quotes!
If you don't change our direction you are likely to end up where you are heading.
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
Mad: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence
If something cannot go wrong at all, it will go wrong in a very spectacular way.
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. If at first you do succeed try to hide your astonishment.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
Smile, it makes the world wonder what you are up to.
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
You can always hit what you don't aim for.
If you have bad aim, shoot first, then call whatever you hit your target.
You can always find what you're not looking for.
All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
Objects may be divided up in three categories: malfunctioning objects, objects getting broken and objects getting lost.
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Sometimes "mu" is the answer.
Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
I smile because I have no idea what's going on.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
~Quote about Zoids NC~ Alot of things get broken on this show...Zoids....hearts...backs....
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose...<---------I have no idea about that one...I just found it very funny...
According to recent study someone is run over by a car every 5 minutes in the city. You'd think the guy would have enough sense to get out of the street.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
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Post by Remi on Oct 29, 2003 19:11:02 GMT -5
The Age old question: "What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?"
Hi, how are you, that's nice, now get out of my way before I kill you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Life is the only thing you can't get out of alive.
May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Death is a once in a lifetime experience.
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'
(This is one of the funniest ones ever...)
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
Life is wasted on the living.
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
Life is a razor, you are always in hot water or a scrape.
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it's true.
In the long run we are all dead.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students
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Post by Remi on Oct 29, 2003 19:15:07 GMT -5
QUESTIONS
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? Life is hard compared to what?
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? (this 1 rules!)
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If stupidity can get you into a mess, then why can't it get you out?
If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy?
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
Why is that when you transport something by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes--why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Was today really necessary?
Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
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Post by Remi on Oct 29, 2003 19:20:53 GMT -5
These are really funny random statements people have made....they make no sense.....enjoy.
went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, forget it."
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.
No, officer. I do not wish to give up my right to remain silent!!
I love cats. They taste like chicken.
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had many of them...
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny. -- Jack Handey
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. -- Douglas Adams
A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.' -- Larry Brown
"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them." -George Bush, US President
"Please provide the date of your death." -from an IRS letter
"We are sorry to announce that Mr Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover." -Parish Magazine
"One of their children, Cain, once asked, 'Am I my brother's son?'" -Student Bloopers
Sure, the pesticide chlordane is going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. -- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
The statistic on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. -- Rita Mae Brown
My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. -- George Carlin
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.--Groucho Marx
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
I filled out an application that said, "In Case of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
Sign outside the Fountain of Youth Health Spa in Salt Lake City: Are You Fat And Ugly? Do You Want To Be Just Ugly? Memberships Available Now.
I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper. --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."
I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. <----^.^
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and
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Post by Remi on Oct 29, 2003 19:31:56 GMT -5
These are random useless facts! ^.^ yay!!
» The average human brain has about 100 billion nerve cells. » Nerve impulses to and from the brain travel as fast as 170 miles (274 km) per hour.
» The thyroid cartilage is more commonly known as the adams apple.
» It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
» Your stomach needs to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it would digest itself.
» It takes the interaction of 72 different muscles to produce human speech.
» The average life of a taste bud is 10 days.
» The average cough comes out of your mouth at 60 miles (96.5 km) per hour.
» Relative to size, the strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
» When you sneeze, all your bodily functions stop even your heart.
» Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.
» Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
» Children grow faster in the springtime.
» It takes the stomach an hour to break down cow milk.
» Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
» Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people do.
» There are 10 human body parts that are only 3 letters long (eye hip arm leg ear toe jaw rib lip gum).
» If you go blind in one eye you only lose about one fifth of your vision but all your sense of depth.
» The average human head weighs about 8 pounds.
» Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
» In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.
» An average human scalp has 100,000 hairs.
» The length of the finger dictates how fast the fingernail grows. Therefore, the nail on your middle finger grows the fastest, and on average, your toenails grow twice as slow as your fingernails.
» The average human blinks their eyes 6,205,000 times each year.
» The entire length of all the eyelashes shed by a human in their life is over 98 feet (30 m).
» Your skull is made up of 29 different bones.
» Odontophobia is the fear of teeth.
» Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows to mourn the deaths of their cats.
» Your ears and nose continue to grow throughout your entire life.
» After you die, your body starts to dry out creating the illusion that your hair and nails are still growing after death.
» Hair is made from the same substance as fingernails.
» The average surface of the human intestine is 656 square feet (200 m).
» A healthy adult can draw in about 200 to 300 cubic inches (3.3 to 4.9 liters) of air at a single breath, but at rest only about 5% of this volume is used.
» The surface of the human skin is 6.5 square feet (2m).
» 15 million blood cells are destroyed in the human body every second.
» The pancreas produces Insulin.
» The most sensitive cluster of nerves is at the base of the spine.
» The human body is comprised of 80% water.
» The average human will shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime.
» Every year about 98% of the atoms in your body are replaced.
» The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet (9 m).
» You were born with 300 bones. When you get to be an adult, you have 206.
» Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
» Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.
» There are 45 miles (72 km) of nerves in the skin of a human being.
» The average human heart will beat 3,000 million times in its lifetime and pump 48 million gallons of blood.
» Each square inch (2.5 cm) of human skin consists of 20 feet (6 m) of blood vessels.
» During a 24-hour period, the average human will breathe 23,040 times.
» Human blood travels 60,000 miles (96,540 km) per day on its journey through the body.
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Post by Remi on Oct 29, 2003 19:32:59 GMT -5
There are too many to copy, but you have to check out some of these top ten lists...they are hilarious! www.bored.com/once you get here, go to almost the very bottom and click on "Brain of Brian" it sould be the last one highlighted.....then click on top tne lists....
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Tomoko
D Class
>Zoid:Storm Sworder< >Level:1< >HP:50/50+Organoid< >Official ZBC< >
Posts: 156
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Post by Tomoko on Nov 10, 2003 20:17:48 GMT -5
that stuff is hilarious! here's some quotes my other friend got of the internet:
"okay, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, so let's get this over with and I'll continue to kill you with beer.-Homer Simson
that's allI can think of right now........
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Van
E Class
[Level 1] [Organoid - Zero/Mythical Beast] [Zoid - Phoenix] [60/60hp]
Posts: 70
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Post by Van on Dec 30, 2003 22:19:13 GMT -5
I HAVE A QUOTE!!!!
~Why Wont You Die?!~ Austin Powers
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Ryujin
C Class
~"The White Reaper"~Ancient Zoidian~Lightning Saix Zoid-no organoid~Zoid Battle Commissioner (ZBC)~
Posts: 464
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Post by Ryujin on Jan 3, 2004 18:00:18 GMT -5
Sorry if any of you are republican...don't hate me!!!
(to a plastic surgeoun)-"Can you put botox in my face so I don't look surprised when Bush blows up the world?"
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Post by Remi on Jan 5, 2004 7:27:48 GMT -5
I won't hate you....just have serious issues with you
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